The rather apocalyptic thunderstorm
I'm a ridiculously light sleeper. I don't have any medical explanations for this. But when I think about it, it's probably the direct result of being kidnapped, beaten bloody one too many times, and earth shattering slaps from just about everyone in Lagos (Nigeria Police Force catch your sub). Just the other day I found a shank in my car. It was a souvenir from one of my many misadventures in Lagos, left behind by one of the people who thought, "if he can't pay his ransom we'll gut him like a fish and get our money from his corpse."
So I'm a light sleeper. Sometimes I sleep so lightly that I'm not quite sure if I'm asleep, awake or something in-between. If you so much as look at me I will jump out of bed and scream. This makes my mother unhappy. As a methodist reverend mother she believes that it is her duty to anoint me with olive oil by stealth. It has been 3 months since she last recorded success.
Last night, I had the most unsettling dream. I was at some festival in Lagos and I was really really anxious. I don't like crowds and I hate people I don't know. I'm an introvert that performs extrovertism really really well. I was wondering how I was going to cope when I saw the open bar. My first drink bled into the second, and the second bled into the sixth.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. There, standing like a yellow mango, was my very good, very beloved and very dead friend, Mekso.
"Mekso, is that you?"
He said: "Yes. It is me."
And I said: "But you're quite dead."
And he said: "Yes. But so will you if you keep this up. Two really scary situations a year apart from the other. I don’t know that you’ll survive a third.”
It was at that very moment that the sky went boom - a thunderstorm of apocalyptic proportions.
In the morning, I awoke to find my mother deep in prayer, and I was thankful. If she didn't make the rapture then the rapture didn't happen. She’s the sort of Christian that makes you think, “there must be something to this Jesus thing. Maybe it’s not all smoke and mirrors.”
When I told her about the dream, she said: "Mekso is trying to tell you that smokers and drinkers are liable to die young."
I went back to bed.
Wishing you deep sleep and happy days,